For years, one question refused to leave me alone.
How could so many caring professionals dedicate their lives to helping people…and so many hopeful young people genuinely do everything we asked of them…yet too many still leave feeling unprepared to build a life they wanted to live?
I never doubted the commitment of the professionals.
I never doubted the effort of the young people.
I watched dedicated staff work tirelessly to prepare people for adulthood and independent living.
And I watched young people show up with hope.
They attended the classes.
They completed the assignments.
They learned the skills.
They checked every box because they believed those boxes would lead to a better future.
Both were trying.
So I couldn’t stop asking myself:
If everyone was trying…what was missing?
🌻 A Moment to Sit With
Perhaps the answer wasn’t hidden in what people were doing.
Perhaps it was hidden in what neither side had enough time or opportunity to experience.
What if preparing someone for adulthood requires more than teaching life skills?
- Over time, I realized I wasn’t questioning whether people cared.
I was questioning whether something essential was missing.
There were transition plans. - Life skills classes.
- Employment goals.
- Behavior support plans.
- Budgeting worksheets.
- Housing checklists.
- Policies.
- Documentation.
- Contract requirements.
- Outcome measures.
None of these were unimportant.
In fact, they existed because people cared.
But over time, I realized these weren’t simply additional questions.
They were foundational questions.
Without first helping people discover who they are, what they value, and recognize their own inherent worth, life skills often become information without direction.
I began wondering whether the very systems designed to prepare people for adulthood had become so accountable to completing requirements that there was often too little time left—for everyone involved—to pause, build understanding, and help people discover who they were, what mattered to them, and the future they wanted to build.
I watched too many young people complete every requirement placed before them, only to leave feeling unprepared for the very life they had supposedly been prepared to live.
Some experienced homelessness.
Some became involved—or reinvolved—with the justice system.
Some remained in unhealthy relationships because familiar pain felt safer than the unknown.
Some struggled with mental health, addiction, or simply surviving from one day to the next.
The stories were different.
The outcomes were different.
But the pattern was remarkably similar.
🌻 Behind the Numbers
Research consistently shows that young people leaving foster care, individuals returning from incarceration, and people who have experienced significant trauma face disproportionately high rates of homelessness, unemployment, mental health challenges, and justice system involvement.
But every statistic represents a person.
Every percentage has a face.
Every data point has a story.
Nearly 1 in 5 children in the United States experiences a mental, emotional, or behavioral disorder each year.
Source: CDC
(Research sources appear at the end of this article.)
The more I listened, the more I realized the question wasn’t:
“Why aren’t they using the skills we taught?”
It became something much deeper.
What if we’ve confused preparing people to complete tasks with preparing them to build a life?
Because those aren’t the same thing.
Life skills matter.
Housing matters.
Employment matters.
Financial literacy matters.
Behavioral health treatment matters.
Every one of those supports matters.
But information alone rarely changes a life.
As I looked across the people I had worked with, I realized they came from many different walks of life.
Some had experienced foster care.
Some juvenile justice.
Some incarceration.
Some behavioral health challenges.
Others had grown up in homes and communities marked by trauma, instability, violence, neglect, addiction, or adversity.
Different stories.
One common thread.
Many had learned how to survive.
Few had been given enough space—and enough exposure to new possibilities—to discover who they were, what mattered to them, or what kind of life they wanted to build.
Over the years, I began wondering if we were asking the wrong questions.
Did they complete the program?
Did they learn the skill?
Did they attend the appointment?
Did they meet the requirement?
Those questions matter.
But I came to believe these questions come first.
What matters to them?
What kind of life do they want to build?
Who are they becoming?
Because until people begin answering those questions, our best efforts often have nowhere meaningful to take root.
Before someone invests in a future…
they first have to recognize their inherent worth.
Some were told they had none.
Others learned it through neglect.
Some through abuse.
Some through repeated rejection.
Some through unstable environments.
Some through systems that focused on managing behavior rather than seeing their humanity.
Some through labels they eventually mistook for their identity.
The message arrived in different ways.
The conclusion was often the same.
“Maybe this is all I’m ever going to be.”
That is a devastating lie.
Because when people lose sight of their inherent worth…
they stop imagining what could be possible.
They survive today.
🌻 A Moment to Sit With
🌻 A Moment to Sit With
Imagine a young person who has completed every requirement placed before them…
learned every life skill…
followed every expectation…
…but still doesn’t recognize their own inherent worth.
What happens next?
That realization changed the direction of my work.
I didn’t want to create another resource that simply told people what to do.
I wanted to create experiences that invited people to slow down…
to reflect…
to discover…
and to build ownership of a future that was genuinely their own.
That philosophy eventually became the foundation for Adulting: Own Your Future.
Not because adulthood is about checking more boxes.
But because building a meaningful life begins long before someone can check all the boxes.
It begins when people have the space to reflect…
the exposure to new possibilities…
and the confidence to discover who they are, what they value, and the future they want to build.
🌻 Reflection
We don’t need fewer life skills.
We need stronger foundations.
We need to create the conditions where people have enough space to reflect…and enough exposure to new possibilities…to discover who they are, what they value, recognize their inherent worth, and build a future they genuinely own.
Perhaps the greatest tragedy isn’t that people never learned another life skill.
Perhaps it’s that too many were never given the space to discover their inherent worth…and the confidence to believe they could build a meaningful future.
Research Note: What the Data Tells Us
Research consistently demonstrates that childhood adversity, instability, and trauma are associated with increased risks of homelessness, unemployment, justice system involvement, mental health challenges, and poorer long-term health outcomes. These outcomes are influenced by many factors, but the evidence underscores the importance of stable relationships, supportive environments, and opportunities for healthy development.
Sources:
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention & Kaiser Permanente. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study.
Foster Care Outcomes
- Administration for Children and Families
- National Youth in Transition Database (NYTD)
- Child Welfare Information Gateway
Homelessness
- United States Interagency Council on Homelessness
- National Alliance to End Homelessness
Mental Health & Serious Emotional Disturbance
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
Juvenile Justice
- Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP)
Reentry & Recidivism
- Bureau of Justice Statistics
- Council of State Governments Justice Center
— Donna Ewing Marto
LUV Solutions | Thoughts for the Journey
Data with Soul Series
Thoughts that invite us to see people—and ourselves—with greater understanding, mutual dignity, discovery, ownership, and inherent worth.
Continue the Journey
If this reflection resonated with you, please share it with someone who may need it today.
If you’re ready to continue exploring these ideas, Adulting: Own Your Future and the LUV Guided Experiences were created to continue this conversation—not by telling you what to think, but by creating the conditions where new understanding can emerge.